Does anyone else ever feel this way? This morning I definitely felt completely inadequate.For those of you who don't know me very well, I am very OCD, a planner, and I love order. When things aren't going exactly how I think they should be going, I get a little, um... cranky and overwhelmed.
It's quite humorous that God has given me twins. My first pregnancy, with twins.... He had to have been laughing in heaven, because I was completely overwhelmed and still am some days. I want to be in control of what's going on, and you can't really be in control when you have two completely different babies calling the shots.
We always go to the early service at my church. The night before I have their diaper bag packed and ready to go with everything they might possibly need. You never know if we decide to stay the entire day or not, so we can hang out with my husband, Will, while he's not on stage playing.
Last night, I picked their outfits to wear. They were matching b/g outfits. You don't find too many of those, and they are size too small for them now, so I knew that I would have to retire them more than likely after today. : (
The babies woke up at 7:00 this morning which was awesome... everything was perfect. So I decided to feed them breakfast before we leave. Well, Lil's opens her mouth now to eat the food I'm giving her, but instead of eating it, she looks at me and spits it back out. It's her most fun game these days. (this is a side note, but I'm sick of all my cloths being stained with baby food or spit up... I have no nice clothes anymore)
After we attempted breakfast, I got Lil's dressed in her cute dress. She's ready to go, and looking good. Liam's turn. He's just laying there, being awesome, when Lil's throws up all over her dress. UGH! My plan of taking them to church in their pure cuteness was completely squashed.
Then Lily wanted to climb all over me afterwards, and crying because I wouldn't hold her right away. I keep telling her, "Lily, I will help you in one second, I need to finish helping your brother" Then she acts like I just ripped her heart out. I feel terrible, but Liam needs my attention too. AH! I'm starting to cry with Lil's at this point.
I got Liam ready, and just sat there holding Lily. I said "Fine! We're not going to church!" After 5 minutes of feeling sorry for myself, I decide, yes, we do need to go to church. My attitude needs adjusting for sure.
So, we made it; and the babies had the best time (like always) in the nursery. With their sweet little friends. We ate breakfast with Will, and all was wonderful in the world again.
With my bad attitude this morning, I definitely questioned God.. thinking, "Um... hello! I'm not cut out for this job. It's really, really hard; and I don't think I can do it. Obviously, Can't you see I'm not any good?!" *sigh*
I know that's not true... but in those moments, I feel like the worse person in the world. I want my kids to see Jesus in me, and I feel like in those crazy, out of control moments, they aren't seeing Him.
I usually call my mom or sister during these crazy times. How do you handle days like these, when you feel inadequate??