There's been a discussion brewing, between a group of ladies that I hold so dear to my heart, today. And we've been brutally honest with one another about what some Christian women consider a four letter word: sex.
In some Christian arenas, it is still taboo to speak openly about one of the most wonderful, amazing parts that God created humans to experience. I think mothers need to be honest with themselves, their husbands, and their God when it comes to this topic. A topic that can really take up a chunk of our lives.
We've all been there and some stay there longer than others: the barren land of "I don't care about sex". We've all had the following thoughts:
"If he so much as touches me after I've nursed this baby all day..."
"I feel so gross right now."
"Oh great, he has that "look" in his eye."
"This would be a terrible time to (bend over to get that thing I dropped, change into something more comfortable, etc, etc)"
Motherhood is simply exhausting and I believe it's easy for mothers to look at sex as another thing to accomplish, another thing to suck whatever energy you have left outta you, or as someone else who needs something from you.
It's so easy to fall into that trap. And it's so hard for some of us to climb out. Some of us don't even have the will to do so. And some of us may not have the most "understanding" of husbands when it comes to sex.
But I say to you, sweet mother, that God is able and more than willing to pull you out of the pit of a sexless mentality. He wants husbands and wives to enjoy one another. Freely and uninhibited as much as possible, He desires the coming together that every marriage should hold as sacred.
remember your vows
Remember the vow that you made to God on that day you told Him you would remain one with the partner He sent to you. Remember how you blushed and your eyes watered as you looked into the eyes of the man across from you and promised your whole self to him. Remember how you felt giddy and excited to share in your new found state that very first night as man and wife.
even in the hard times
What better thing to do than to frequently come together in this way when hard times come. Allow the sorrows you face, the financial hiccups, the health obstacles of a loved one, or just simply a hard day to lead you to one another in both a physical and spiritual oneness. I tell you what, never is my husband more attractive to me than when he leads me in prayer and holds me when I'm hurting. There is a window that can be swung wide open when you seize the hard times and remember the love only the two of you can share.
yes, the kids drain you
I've got four, going on five children. I also homeschool my children. We are together twentyfourseven, folks. Rarely EVER are they not in my care. If it wasn't for my super sweet mother-in-love offering to watch them sometimes once a week for a quick date night, I would never get that break. So maybe 3 hrs a week out of the 168 allotted am I not breathing the same atmosphere as they. That's draining. That's a recipe for a "don't touch me" attitude. And, believe me, I've spent many an hour there. But I realized a few years ago, that I must choose not to stay there. I choose to love my husband, I choose our marriage over the 15 diapers I change everyday and 7 loads of laundry I tried to fold, and 3 little people I had to educate, and the 3 meals plus snacks I had to prepare, and, of course, the 57372818 times I picked up toys today. Because I simply value my marriage over all of that. At the end of a sometimes very trying day, I make it a choice, and sometimes I very much fight my flesh making this choice, but I make a choice to fully love my precious husband. You can too.
your body isn't yours
When you became a Christ-follower, your body became the temple of the Holy God. It's really never been yours in the first place, considering God graciously allowed you to inhabit it when He created you. But in addition, marriage is the same in that you no longer belong to yourself, but you are him and he is you. Free access. Within loving boundaries. God reminds us in His word just how important sex is in marriage:
Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won't be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I Cor.7:5
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
There will always be perfectly good reasons to abstain from sex in marriage: sickness, hospitalization, unavoidable distance, and after childbirth. But make sure that you never use sex as a playing card. Withholding sex as punishment or because you're simply "not feeling it" is wrong and selfish. There are unique and isolated situations amongst couples that I am not specifically speaking of, but in general terms, sex is not yours to withhold or play games with.
I encourage all of you mothers to rise up and make a choice to put your husband, your sex life, above the exhaustion, above the commitments, above the daily annoyances and tear downs life throws at you. Really seek God and His word about the beauty and richness of married sex. Ask Him for that lifeline to pull you out of that pit you may be swallowed up in. He's ready and He's able and He wants nothing more than for your marriage to be fruitful and filled with that "four letter word": sex.