...because it's easier to not have friends.

20140707-152524-55524002.jpg A few years ago, God sent me on a path that has given me my best friend in motherhood. This friend is the most gracious, most selfless, most caring, and loyal human being I've ever met in person.

She started off as my oldest's preschool teacher when he was almost three years old. Since then, we've had two more babies each, and have really grown comfortable with our families being together.

We don't talk everyday and we maybe see one another once a week on average, and I'm totally fine with that. Although, she is the kind of person that I wouldn't mind seeing or talking to each day. She never is demanding, needy, or overwhelming.

But, aside from her, I see keeping up with friends in the midst of motherhood, to be too much. So I've allowed some really good friendships to fizzle out, or the thought of keeping up with those I care for in motherhood, overwhelms me.

Then there's that lull of time where you allowed the chasm of life to grow between yourself and really valuable friendships. After that chasm grows, the thought of building that bridge to cross it seems like an insurmountable task. "Catching up" would take forever and a finely coordinated meet-up, sans kids (because who really can have a beneficial "catching up" conversation with littles running about to train and correct?!) and coordinating schedules with other mothers, sans kids, is like trying to be in the right place at the right time to snatch up something...ANYTHING....Frozen-movie-related at the store.

Then I have these friends that I've had for my whole life. The "comfortable" friends. Really, they should be considered best friends because they still care to contact you maybe twice a year to reminisce and relive childhood moments. These are always safe relationships to me. They require little to no work, they don't burden my state of motherhood, and each meet up or catch up is completely pleasurable.

I also have this group of mamas that I honestly want to live in a commune with. No, really. It's like we all share the same circulatory system. But I've never met 99% of them in person. These are the ladies that have become my sisters both in Christ and motherhood and the friends I find myself thinking of almost constantly and yet, I don't have real relationships with them outside of social media.

As an ambivert (one that is both equally extroverted and introverted) I have days where I long for companionship. I just need to spill my guts to someone or just go enjoy something that would not include me changing a diaper or picking up crumbs. And then I have some really bad moments where I feel isolated, alone, and loathe in my loneliness.

It's like I want the true friendships, but cultivating and nourishing real friendships seems too much when I'm saturated in all things motherhood. Joining a group or Bible study is out of the question because that takes a level of commitment I cannot give at this time in life. When your husband works "until the job is done" everyday and can never tell me when he's getting off, I can't guarantee I would be able to make anything work out in those respects.

I also have no commitments that require me to be social either. I am not directly involved in ministry, nor am I actively involved in anything outside of our home.

Do any of you struggle with being too comfortable essentially "friendless"? It's literally been the hardest part for me since motherhood began eight years ago. And now that we've moved out of the area I was comfortable in, I find myself in a more disadvantaged state. Anybody get this?!

Love, Alicia