My Kids are sick, and it's my fault.

10313172_10101510935076348_3238861546537874740_n I'm a first time mom of twin 18 month olds. Before becoming a stay at home mom, I was an event coordinator. I'm very organized and love having control. I'm OCD, and having anxiety in many areas of my life. Having twins really rocked my world. I think God realized I liked doing things on my own, that He chuckled and said "Here you go Amber, surprise! I'm giving you twins.. try to control this, see if you can do this on your own." When you're an event coordinator you know what's going to happen practically down to the second, when you have twins (or kids in general).... you don't have control of pretty much anything really. You have to be ready for the unexpected.

So, when my kids get sick, I have a slight panic attack. I go into this complete guilt mode.

I think things like: "It's my fault they're sick!" "Did I not give them their vitamins?" "If I could just remember to give them probiotics they would never get sick!" "Is my house dirty?"

My poor Lily Bean is sick right now. She's so grouchy. When she got sick on Thursday evening, and it lasted more than 48 hours, I immediately think that she has this horrible disease.

Does anyone else do this to themselves? I know I will always worry about my kids to an extent. I'll always want them not to be sick and not have to suffer in any way. But I also know that I need to let go and trust God in every area of my life. I need to cut myself some slack. I put way too much pressure on myself and I hate it. I had a complete meltdown yesterday morning. I'm soo thankful for my awesome husband, who is soo helpful and such an awesome dad. He doesn't ever worry about anything.

I make my days stressful... it's not my kids fault. I know I'll always worry about my kids to an extent. I know I'll always want the best for them, and I'll never want them to be sick. But I know that I do need to let things go. I need to realize that I'm doing my best, and to cut myself some slack. Any other moms out there really hard on themselves?