For a while now, I've seriously detested my phone. No, it's not because it tells me it's been 37 weeks since I last backed it up. Sorry, Will. (Will is my brother-in-law who preaches "backing up your devices regularly".) And it's not because it randomly may freeze or take too long to send a picture text. It's because of how much I depend on it.
And I've discovered something as time progresses on my smart phone ownership; I've discovered that my smart phone has made me a rather impatient person. I may even be so bold as to guess that it's probably made you impatient as well.
Everyone treats their devices like a third appendage. I will be honest and say that I fall right in line with the masses. If it's not in my hand or in my pocket, I semi-panic. I've never treated any man-made item so delicately as I do my phone. We've all had those moments where we literally feel decapitated until it is found. I hate it. I literally hate my phone and what it has done to me.
Or rather, what I've done to me.
I've become impatient. I used to do life just fine without a smart phone. I was one of those last few to catch a ride on the smart phone train. I've only had one for less than 3 years. I used to live and breathe and function just peachy without one.
In fact, the phone I had before I chose a "smarter" phone didn't even have texting activated. That's how behind I was. And it was okay. I was okay with it. I still carried my phone with me everywhere, but I was one of those people nobody could ever get ahold of because the only feature my phone did, was ring when there was a phone call. And ever since I could remember, I've had an allergy to talking on the phone.
The Lord spoke to me yesterday. He revealed to me that maybe...just maybe...part of my anxious spirit comes from the impatience that I've cultivated by being so "in love" with my phone. Checking texts. Emails. Facebook. Instagram. "Let me take a picture..." for every semi-notable moment during the day. Yea...to this introverted SAHM of many, I've used my phone to connect me to the world so I don't actually have to leave my driveway. And, furthermore, the times I was looking down, I would notice my impatience pique during several "Mommy look's!" and "Can I/we do this/that?".
No more. I hate you, phone. And I left you on my kitchen counter today and I loved it. I truly loved having you just sit there. I felt a bit armless for a while, but I felt free.
I didn't have an anxious heart today. I wasn't getting constantly "interrupted". And I didn't ever lose my phone either.
There were so many more "play on the floor" moments. There was an escapee during naptime and I didn't get irritated. I just sat and we played. One-on-one time. It was amazing. There were hardly any "Mommy look's!" because I never stopped looking. And I have no pictures to share from today because there aren't any. There wasn't time. I've never let my phone control my life before. I do so much with my children. I don't know how NOT to be hands on. I don't know how NOT to shower them with love. But there should never be a competition. This device should be used for good. For a single purpose. It's a phone. And here I used to hate phones. Well, I do hate my phone. But I've loved it enough to allow it to exchange patience for impatience. A peaceful heart to an anxious heart. And moments missed because there was just something random on that screen that couldn't wait.
I am purposing now and until to be a good steward of the time I have. If keeping my phone out of my hands and out of my pockets is how I can start, then that's what I'm going to do. I challenge you to join me. Today was beautiful. It was simply me and them. Everyone else can wait.