Raise your hand if you're an introvert...
Lots of you, I see. Then you should understand this post quite perfectly.
The silence. Every introvert's respite. A time to recharge. A time to reflect. A time to read, sew, write, or do absolutely nothing.
In motherhood, an introverts usual saving grace everyday, is the "all-coveted" naptime.
That is, if naptime is on your side that day. Sometimes, it just isn't. Sometimes you have "naptime fail" and that is...well, THAT is never good for us introverts.
After mornings of "mommy, can I?'s" and the joyful chaos that children bring, we gotta have that precious time.
I craved it.
For years, by the time lunch was cleaned up, I was D.O.N.E.
Seriously, naptime was sacred. I never considered ANY activity during this time. NEVER. And everytime I did, I regretted it. Instantly.
My friends, they came to understand that you just don't ask me to meet up with you for any sort of activity/playdate thing after lunch. 'Cause I.ain't.comin'.Jack.
I missed out on so much over the years...even now...with my three older ones that don't nap anymore and the two little ones that do, I still honor that 1-3pm quiet time.
Lately, since my anxiety showed up earlier this year, I find myself dreading naptime.
So odd. I never dreamed I would dread the silence, the freetime, the ability to tackle anything I needed to for two whole hours. Well, it didn't always go so perfectly like that. You know...
While the introvert in me still craves this time, like clockwork, each day; the anxious spirit in me doesn't cope well with it anymore.
An empty, undistracted, worried mind is a recipe for disaster. Pure, bonafide, legit terror attack kind of disaster.
So, I write. I read. I keep my mind busy, busy, busy. Otherwise, I hear those negative "what if?" thoughts begin to wreck their havoc on my brain. Then, my heart races. Then the "what if?'s" are raging inside, and I begin to go to that "worst place" I have.
I'm truly thankful for this blog, the gift of writing God blessed me with, and supporters, like you, that take the time to both read this random rubbish and encourage me along the way.
Have you ever been in this place before? I'd love to hear about it below. When we're honest with one another, I believe we become better equipped to overcome these things.