I just want to start the conversation by saying, why has sex been deemed as a conversation Christians can't or shouldn't be having. Who made sex inappropriate?! God is the one that created it to begin with people, so get your big girl panties on and stop being offended or scared to talk about sex.
No wonder the world thinks we're crazy, because no one wants to talk about how awesome monogamous, married sex can be and is. It is awesome, y'all!
I actually took a Bible study a year ago with about 12 other married, Christian women and we broke down the reasons why we feel like the church and those in the church don't, won't, or think it's wrong to talk about sex. It was awesome! The most important, beneficial part of the class was learning what the BIBLE says about sex. Why God created it, and how precious, amazing, and awesome sex was designed to be.
We went through sexual abuse, our pasts, our hurts, our confusion, talked about how God made everything work, among other things. If you can, I'd really encourage all women to be apart of a group like this one. The study was called "Awaken Love". I would really encourage you to research this study, and see if there is a church near you hosting one of these studies. If you have sexual abuse in your past, you can be free from the bondage of the memories, hurt, and pain. Women in our group openly spoke of their past and how Jesus has freed them from the hurt, led them to forgive their perpetrator, and live a full and happy life with their husband.
If your sex life with your husband isn't where you think it should be, don't give up hope. Sex is the glue that holds our marriages together. One of the ladies in my group said that "Sex is to marriage, as oil is to a car".
When we are married, I think we need to know and realize that EVERYTHING is up for discussion. EVERYTHING. So put it all out there. Have a conversation with your husband about your past, your hurts, your wants, your expectations. Isn't that where all marriages fall short? We always fail to share our expectations with our spouses. We think the other person should know, or just read our minds in knowing what we want. NEWSFLASH y'all: no one can read your mind, and you can't read your husbands. So, ASK. Ask him what his expectations are of you, of your sex life, of the future, and then you share yours with him.
If you're lacking in the conversations these days, because... LIFE. Here's a good place to start.You can also find the six questions to ask each other once a week without buying the journal here! This is an amazing resource you guys, and if you aren't following Beating50Percent you should... find them on all social media sites and follow their blog.
If you need a third party to help with your conversations, or maybe you need a counselor to see on your own, don't be ashamed to seek out a good, Christian counselor that will help you and your husband get through the times where you just aren't understanding one another. There is NO shame in seeking help. I repeat, NO SHAME. It's actually awesome that you would seek help. The fact that you would be willing to not give up on your marriage is amazing. If you need help with this, I know an amazing counseling center right here in Austin, Texas.
So, go have sex with your husband with the lights on. Become one in every way, the way that God intended it to be, and for goodness sakes enjoy your sex life with your husband. You were created to!
Here are two books that we read from as references. (besides the Bible (Song of Solomon - the sex book of the Bible) and the "Awaken Love" study content)
Sheet Music, by Kevin Leman - you can purchase this book on amazon, here.
Intimate Issues, by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus - you can purchase their book, here.