A Christmas Crime

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014


The woods in NC


As I was coming out of what I recognized as sleep, I felt something cold and wet under my right side. It startled me. I was extremely uncomfortable.  


"What happened?!!" my half-awake brain roared. 


Seconds passed and then I knew...

I am a victim, and my baby is the culprit.  

I quickly grabbed my phone to check the time. "'s morning!!!", I thought to myself. 

I lie still for seconds to make sure my baby daughter is still breathing. "She actually has the nerve to snore through this mess!!", I thought. 

Still cold, damp, and groggy I replay the events of the night. 

We fell asleep at 11... 

We woke up at 2:45... 

...and now it's, it's, MORNING?!? 


This cannot be!! Just one night prior, I asked the Good Lord to take me on up as not one minute of my flu-ravaged body saw any rest or anything that resembled sleeping. The baby, in this case, was up all night suddenly fighting the same battle as I.  


Worst night of motherhood. EVER.


And, here I am now, a victim lying in a kiddie pool of breast milk. Baby snoring to my left. Husband imitating her to my right.  

The crime scene. Exhibits A & B are the milk stained items. 

The crime scene. Exhibits A & B are the milk stained items. 

 "I'm soaked." 

"This is gross and uncalled for." 

"Wait, this means I slept." 

"WE slept."  

The perpetrator 

The perpetrator 


So I turn to my left side to even the score. Afterall, this is my chance. I'm going back to sleep.  

This is the best Christmas ever.  

**The baby is expected to receive a full pardon at date of trial.