The Day I Met Satan (face to face)

I don't remember exactly what day it was. I do know it was about three years ago that I had the scariest encounter of my life. 


My children were 5,3, and about a year old. I recall coasting along all "luke-warm" like before the day I met Satan.  


I recall attending a ladies Bible study regularly during this time. Just about half a year prior, I also recall my sister reaching out to me and desiring to read the Bible thru together. I recall that being an answer to prayer I had prayed just twelve hours before.


I was on my way back to a place where God was the center of my life. I rarely felt attacked before this point in motherhood. It was kinda nice to just coast along with little to no traffic slowing me down.


It was 4am, and I had just nursed Avery back to bed. As usual, I fell back asleep rather quickly. I never expected what would happen next.  


As real as your heartbeat right now, Satan was right in front of me.


I walked into a room with a cold looking metal bed pushed to one side. My Hunter was sleeping soundly on the bed. I went over to him to kiss his head when I saw something horrifying. He had been "marked". 


His exposed, naked back had been laced up with a large, black shoestring.  The sores that contained the piercing thru of each lace were bright red, infected, and pus-filled. It ran the length of his entire back. It was clear who had done this to him. 


Mike came into the room and saw the horrifying scene. In a panic, I asked him, "Where is Carter?!, Where is Avery?!?"  


You could feel the heavy darkness consuming the space. 


I knew we had to find Carter and Avery, and fast. We left the room and began running down dark corridors screaming their names. We knew they were next. 


I saw them in the distance, running and screaming for us. But the closer we got, the more evil I felt in the air. 


He he stepped out from around a corner. Face to face with me, he scowled and sneered the most evil smile I had ever witnessed.  


I cant describe just how shocking he looked. His evil radiated from his face like steam coming from a block of dry ice. He wasn't anything I had ever imagined he would look like. He was worse. Much much worse. And that's all I can say about his appearance, because it's honestly too overwhelming to recall and describe in totality. 


He simply said these words to me, "I will destroy you. And I will start with your by one."  


I didnt stay stay to hear if he had anything else to say. I began running towards my children again... 


And then, it was over. 


I spent the remainder of that morning completely terrified. Overcome with fear, anxiety, discouragement, I walked around feeling defeated and overwhelmed. I called my sister in sobbing tears. I called my Bible study leader and good friend later that day.  


And then I realized something. I needn't be afraid at all. In fact, God sent His perfect peace on me, when I pushed the fear out of the way. 


And then, the next feeling that overcame me was somewhat startling. I felt honored.  


Truly. I did. I realized that Satan saw me as a threat to his scheming and various plots of destruction. He saw me as a true threat to his wiley ways. 


Since that encounter, I've been given the privilege of leading all three of those children to Christ. So Satan doesn't have them, Christ does.  


And since then, I've been more attacked and ridiculed by him than I have in my entire life combined.  


He thought that if he targeted my children first, that it would be the way to discourage me the most. But really, all he did was lead them forward to recognizing their need for a Savior.  


So, now, I'm his direct target. He has lied and lied and lied to me some more. He's literally broken my phone so I can't read encouragement from friends and family. He's tried to come between my husband and I. He's tried to wreck our finances as he's had us literally fighting every day of every week with our medical bill situation. He's set so many road blocks up, and pushed us back into the valley over and over and over again. 


{We keep getting up}.  


Satan, really, I'm very flattered you are obsessed with me. But I'm angry. I'm more angry than I've ever been. And I'm more equipped than I've ever been, too. 


I have so many people in my corner, I have too may people praying, too many people blessing us to let you have your way.  


My body may be weak, but He will fight and has fought for me.


I hate you, and meeting you was probably the most flattering thing that could've happened to me. Not many people can say they've met you face to face. 


You're just jealous of the hope I have.


How pitiful. 



God is dead: A world without hope.

Then Joseph took the body and wrapped it in a clean linen cloth. He put Jesus' body in a new tomb that he had cut out of a wall of rock, and he rolled a very large stone to block the entrance of the tomb. Then Joseph went away. Matthew 27:59-60


God, in the flesh, is dead.

From the moment Jesus spoke the words "It is finished" all of humanity was without hope.

God, the Promised Messiah, the future King of the Jews, the King of all Kings, the one who healed the sick and lame, who raised people from the dead and walked on water, sin had defeated him.

That entire Saturday, the day after His death, this very day two millennia ago, must have been the most hopeless in all of history. Those who knew, loved, and follow the Christ, they were more than likely astonished. Hours had passed and Jesus, the Savior, remained still in the tomb. His burial place heavily guarded by the Centurions.

Those who hated Him, who literally loathed His very name, had no idea how doomed they were. They had rejected Him, although they had walked amongst Him, seen His miracles, and heard Him speak. Yet, they celebrated the death of their Creator. The only one who could ever save them from themselves. They felt hopeful on this Saturday knowing that the nuisance, Jesus of Nazareth was dead...defeated...just another man after all. A heretic, a fool, and a traitor. Little did they know, that within their hope lay the truth: these too, we're ultimately sentenced to hell along with His followers.

Satan had won.

Death defeated Life.

That entire Saturday the worlds fate was sealed, so it seemed. All life without hope, without purpose, without meaning, forever drowning in a sea of death and separation.

But Saturday came and went. Jesus lay dead still. And then, Sunday...


When God isn't enough

I struggle a lot with feeling like I have a purpose. Satan knows it and he takes joy in reminding me that I struggle with it. He loves to whisper that "I'm not good enough" when I compare myself to other "better/more creative/more organized/more blessed" moms. He takes pride in making sure I feel less than, lonely, and incomplete. He helps me lose my mind with thoughts of "why me? Or when is it my turn? And how much longer do I have to wait for...?". and I listen

And that's when God [suddenly] isn't enough.

I begin to step inward and I begin to believe that what The Deceiver says is true. I know I am wasting my time here but I continue to stay cowered in the corner waiting to be rescued. Satan knows me and he knows what makes me feel especially frustrated and unloved and loves to throw things in my path that get me back into my corner of self-pity.

I struggle. A lot. And yet, I have The Rescuer having already rescued me. I have The Redeemer in my corner having already redeemed me. But still I remain in the corner of "God isn't enough" and I rip and crush His heart over and over again.

"why do you keep pursuing me?"

He's gentle. He's immeasurably patient. He weeps for me because this is not what He wants for me. It's not what He wants for you too.

If you have given your heart and life to Christ, we have to live above the lies, speak Life back to Death, and remind him of his future. It's so easy to stay and feel trapped in your corner of "it's about me" but it's a lie too! It's not about you! It never is, was, or will be. It's about not wasting the precious moments and unpromised minutes and seconds that we have here. It's about pointing all things to Him, not ourselves.

Come with me. Stand up. Walk away from that corner. And let God be enough.