Sister

Introducing: Sarah.

Hello all,

My name is Sarah and I’m the newest member here on Honestly Motherhood. I’m so excited to begin this new journey! First, I wanted to introduce myself a little just so you know who I am….

First off, a few little fun facts:

I love being with my family; they mean the world to me. We all live 2+ hours away, so when we are together it is a sweet time. I enjoy watching movies, crocheting, photography, traveling, serving others, singing in the car, thrifting, watching Downton Abbey and Fixer Upper, missions, different cultures and reading lots and lots of books! I have a passion for children and education and am pursuing a degree in early childhood education. I currently work for the public school system here as an Instructional Assistant in a Multiple Disability classroom. 

My Mom and Dad, brothers and sister in law.

My Mom and Dad, brothers and sister in law.

My wonderful family I gained this past June. 

My wonderful family I gained this past June. 

I currently live in Virginia with my husband, Aric. On June 13, 2015, we got married. It simply was the best day. Aric and I knew each other all throughout college, but it wasn't until five years later that we actually connected as good friends and started dating; 8 months after that, we tied the knot! This past November the Lord blessed us with the amazing news that we were expecting our first child. What a journey it has been. There is nothing….absolutely nothing that has been a greater joy and challenge in my life than this pregnancy. 

My husband, Aric and I.

My husband, Aric and I.

When I first found out I was pregnant back in November I realized how naive I was. I took the pregnancy test one morning super early and saw a positive reading in less than a minute. My heart raced and I couldn't help but wake my sleeping husband at 6 am to tell him the news. Weary eyed, he looked at me smile and realized 10 minutes later what I actually had said and was ecstatic. By that weekend our whole immediate family knew our exciting news and I thought , “Okay..smooth sailing until July, I’ll get this adorable baby bump, cute maternity clothes, start getting baby stuff and this is gonna be a blast!” Sure, some of those things did happen, but I’m sure as most of you moms know, that is simply not what it’s like the entire 9 months of carrying your baby. 

It was around week 7 that the morning sickness came full force. I always thought, “Hey, morning sickness? I can handle a little nausea in the morning and be just fine for the rest of the day….” Whoever called it morning sickness was a cruel individual. It was all day, every day up until around the 12 week mark. The roughest part was just getting through the work day. My body was exhausted by the end of my 7.5 hour work day and I found myself lying in bed at 5pm and waking up the next morning at 6:30 a.m. in time for another day. The cycle seemed never-ending. On top of that I had major anxiety. Before I found out I was pregnant I struggled with anxiety. Facing this unknown was paralyzing to me. Fears of miscarriage or hurting my baby by the way I slept, what I ate or lack of what I ate haunted me. My body kept changing in ways I didn't understand and I would cry myself into hysteria because I was afraid. Pregnancy was not what I imagined.

Never in my life has scripture become more real to me. During those beginning weeks my heart cried out to the Lord for relief, an hour maybe, 15 mins without the nausea or anxiety. I read something in my devotions one day that has stuck with me:

“I have learned that in every circumstance that comes my way, I can choose to respond in one of two ways: I can whine or I can worship! And I can't worship without giving thanks. It just isn't possible. When we choose the pathway of worship and giving thanks, especially in the midst of difficult circumstances, there is a fragrance, a radiance, that issues forth out of our lives to bless the Lord and others.” - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Worship. That was to be my response. Give thanks to the Lord for his abounding blessing in my life. The nausea meant the baby was well. The anxiety caused me to pray and seek the Lord more. It was a small breakthrough. 

I love reading the passage Psalm 119:13-14, now that I am expecting. It has a whole new meaning.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

I tend to be a control freak. This verse shows me that I have no control over my baby. Sure I can pray for my baby, eat healthy, exercise and take my vitamins but I am not the one knitting together the innermost being of my precious little one. It has given me so much comfort in my pregnancy knowing that Christ is the one in control. I can do nothing but rejoice in the fact that the Lord has called me to be this baby’s mom. I feel so blessed.

Our little one at 10 weeks

Our little one at 10 weeks

I am now 14 weeks pregnant with our little babe. We got to hear baby’s heartbeat this past week at my last appointment, which is always my favorite thing to hear. Heartburn and headaches are in full swing everyday and taking naps is my absolute favorite thing to do (just ask my husband). I am excited for this journey ahead and to see where and what the Lord is going to do with our family! 

Me at 13 weeks.

Me at 13 weeks.

I will leave you with the verse that has been on my heart this week:

“I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.” -Psalm 16:8, 11

-Sincerely, Sarah. :) 

(In Retrospect) Lessons Learned From My Brother's Wedding

My little (and only) brother got married this past weekend. 

He married an angel. Truly. A dream come true for our family. 

But...

I'll be honest. I didn't want to go. Well, the anxiety-ridden/extremely fatigued part of me didn't want to go. My heart, on the other hand, has been there since the day they became engaged. 

Here are just some things I took away from this whirlwind weekend of wedding.

First of all, I didn't want to go (really) 

Let me be real and raw here when I say that anticipating taking five children aged 8 and under on a 1000 mile round trip road trip is enough to make you wanna call off the whole idea. But, anticipating taking that 1000 mile round trip road trip while suffering with anxiety and extreme fatigue/thyroid issues plus having not driven much of anywhere in several months is beyond overwhelming.

One of those many "overwhelmed" kind of moments... 

One of those many "overwhelmed" kind of moments... 

I wanted to run far, far away from this event. I struggled with feeling like I had no choice BUT to be there and then thinking "what kind of horrible sister are you to not be at your brother's wedding?!"

Just one week prior, I had taken the liberty to push myself to drive fifteen minutes, behind our house, to a see a friend whom I had never previously gone to her house before. Upon my departure, I notice my phone is at 10%, and I have to use my map app that brutally drains my phone so I can even find her house. 

Long story short, my phone guided me to the middle-of-freaking-nowhere with 2% battery life and no sense of how to get back home, much less to actually finding my friend's house. Oh, and it was getting dark, too. And, I had my two-year-old with me. So my first trek out solo in months, was a semi-disaster and a prime breeding ground for panic. Of course, I didn't desire to venture out of town, much less four states away just seven days later.

But, I went.

My Children Can Travel

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I anticipated the ride to be something like a non-violent horror film. I mean, what else could I have expected having a ten-month-old that has never been more than an hour away from home, a two-year-old that is literally a firework of energy and demands held hostage for multiple hours, and a nearly four-year-old that "has to potty" every other hour?! Let's not forget the six and eight-year-olds that can tag-team the "are we there yet's?" and "how much longer's?" the entire time. 

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I apologize. My children were amazing. I don't know if it had something to do with our awesome parenting prior to this event, my best friend's generosity in the busy bag department, or just an overwhelming amount of God's grace and mercy falling from the prayers that were sent up for us. (I'm going with the latter two possibilities).

My only desperate time was about thirty minutes from our destination on the way up when I had to nurse our baby while she remained strapped into her carseat, so I could converse with my husband about our whereabouts. 

My Family is Amazing (and it just got more amazing)

Considering this wedding was in the bride's home state of Pennsylvania, and we have absolutely no family that lives within any sort of reasonable distance from the location, there were many of us there. 

We spent our 10 year anniversary driving, and took this pic upon arrival to our hotel room. Not romantic in the least, but blessed beyond measure.  

We spent our 10 year anniversary driving, and took this pic upon arrival to our hotel room. Not romantic in the least, but blessed beyond measure.  

Even my inlaws, who have been more like family to my parents and family for my whole life, came anyway when they couldn't find a flight. They drove all day long, helped with our children, took our boys into their hotel room to make more room for us left in that "too tiny for our family of seven" room, and even missed the entire ceremony to help with all of the flower girls. Amazing love. And they left just 24 hours after arriving to drive back to North Carolina.

My grandparents took that same drive on Friday, left on Saturday and drove all night until they got home. They even missed the rehearsal and most of the dinner, but they pushed through and came. 

My uncle and cousin, drove all day long just to attend the wedding on Saturday. Drove back to Indiana that afternoon. They were there just fifteen hours total.

Even one of the groomsman, one of my brothers closest friends, flew all the way from Japan, was a part of the wedding and left today to return to Japan. Incredible love. Incredible sacrifice. 

Hotel Life With Little Ones (or, can I go to the pool?)

It seems like upon every collision of vehicle to hotel parking lot pavement induces the most predictable inquiry from children: "does this hotel have a pool"? 

Which inevitably leads to the next exclamatory inquiry: "can we go swimming....RIGHT NOW?!?"

It doesn't matter if you roll up after dark, or if your parents are having a hard time keeping their eyes open after a long day of travel. The burst of energy children acquire upon learning that, indeed, this hotel does have a pool is further confirmed by the wafting chlorine high that nearly knocks you dead upon entry in to the lobby. It's like a cruel reminder of what is coming next. "OOOHHHH!!! I can smell the pool, mommy!! Can we get our swimming suits on RIGHT NOW?!"

So...we did. We went swimming during the first half hour of our arrival.  

So...we did. We went swimming during the first half hour of our arrival.  

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I recall being that child and saying such childish things during my own childhood. It's a different story, entirely, when you're the mother of five little children that rarely come into contact with giant holes of concrete, filled with chlorinated water. 

So, within the first thirty minutes of arrival, naturally, they (the children) will all immediately don their swimming attire and be clamoring for the exit as if the room was swarming with bees. 

There's also no rest for the weary. Parents, that is. Especially when the only option is to snuggle a wiggly, nursey ten-month-old in a bed that you must share with your husband. It was tight.

I Did It (for my dad)

We made it. We're home now, having brought home buckets full of memories and hearts full of love. 

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I was able to do this weekend because of prayer. I was able to do this weekend because of love, encouragement, and enormous amounts of help. I did it because I knew I would never regret going to my brother's wedding. 

Sure, there were moments when I sobbed from exhaustion, frustration for feeling badly again, and just purely being overwhelmed. I did have one almost panic attack and one full panic attack that I reigned under control rather quickly. 

At the end of the wedding, after the reception was over, people dispersed and clothes were changed for the road trips ahead, my dad told me he was so proud of me. "I did it for you, dad", was my response. You see, my dad understands what it's like to battle a world of "what if's". My anxiety and health issues may have followed me on this road trip, but it didn't defeat me. I still was able to enjoy and partake of almost every moment. I pushed myself and pushed some more. And I know I was able to do so because of my family, the prayers, and my Heavenly Father. 

My brother's wedding was beautiful. And I have pictures to prove it. 

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