faith

About the Girl With the Sparkle(s) In Her Eye(s)

When we're young(er), we never dream of the hard times that could squeeze in between our dreams eventually becoming fulfilled. 

The girl in the picture is ten years in the past, and ten years more ignorant and unaware than she is now. 

Sometimes I daydream to a fault. Always have. Maybe I always will.  

Little did I know then, that almost every one of my "daydreamy dreams" would eventually come true.

I can't live in a fantasy world. Life doesn't always jump from one dream to the next, seemlessly. No, Sir. I can attest that as my ten year anniversary rapidly approaches, I look at this girl and I think I would simultaneously love to be (and not to be) her again.

I hardly look at myself in the mirror lately, as I don't like what I see. I may, unexpectedly, be the same size again as the girl in the photo, but my glow/my sparkle, isn't there anymore. 

A dreamer never pictures themselves as spiraling into a pit without remembering the lyrics to "A Dream Is A Wish (Your Heart Makes)". But sometimes, dreamers do fall. And we do forget the lyrics. We stop dreaming. We stop hoping. And we begin wishing that we could just simply dream unconsciously. Dreaming whilst asleep. Sometimes, the world is even more cruel and sleep never comes, except in snippets. 

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My goal, this year, this month, even, is to get my sparkle back. To remember how much I have to live for and with and to. There's a dreamer still in me. There's a hope that's bigger than my despair, because of the hope I've been so graciously gifted. I am clinging to that hope. I'm going to eventually look at this picture and say "that's still me!...I know that girl!...that is me!". Right now, I look at her, and I recognize her, but we are not the same.  

In the meantime, I am pushing to stay close to His voice. And to remember that "When (I) pass through the waters, (You) are with me; And through the rivers, they will not overflow (me). When (I) walk through the fire, (I) will not be scorched, Nor will the flame burn (me)." Isaiah 43:2 

My Favorite Apps - She Reads Truth

  SRT-AppLaunch_Instagram2 Have you seen this new app? Have you heard of this awesome ministry? It's called "She Reads Truth", and you can download the app for free! I just did last night, and it's great.

To be honest, I've always struggled with reading my Bible daily. I always come up with a better thing to do with my time, than to just sit and read God's Word. Which in reality... what could be a better way to spend my time than read the Word?! Seriously.

Now that I'm a mom it's even more difficult to find the time to just sit and have quiet time with the Lord, but it's soo important! More than ever before we should be in the Word learning and just being still before the Lord. When I think of my children, I want them to have a strong, personal relationship with the Lord. I want them to be godly, loving people... how can I expect this of them if I can't even be disciplined in working on my own relationship with the Lord?! I saw this image the other day, and it was so very convicting:

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I say all of this to just encourage you to get in the Word. I downloaded this app, and it has many different devotional and reading plans. The entire Bible is also on it. The amazing design of the app is just wonderful as well. I hope you enjoy it. Go download it... cause it's free, and because it just might help remind you to keep reading the one and only TRUTH!

My Kids are sick, and it's my fault.

10313172_10101510935076348_3238861546537874740_n I'm a first time mom of twin 18 month olds. Before becoming a stay at home mom, I was an event coordinator. I'm very organized and love having control. I'm OCD, and having anxiety in many areas of my life. Having twins really rocked my world. I think God realized I liked doing things on my own, that He chuckled and said "Here you go Amber, surprise! I'm giving you twins.. try to control this, see if you can do this on your own." When you're an event coordinator you know what's going to happen practically down to the second, when you have twins (or kids in general).... you don't have control of pretty much anything really. You have to be ready for the unexpected.

So, when my kids get sick, I have a slight panic attack. I go into this complete guilt mode.

I think things like: "It's my fault they're sick!" "Did I not give them their vitamins?" "If I could just remember to give them probiotics they would never get sick!" "Is my house dirty?"

My poor Lily Bean is sick right now. She's so grouchy. When she got sick on Thursday evening, and it lasted more than 48 hours, I immediately think that she has this horrible disease.

Does anyone else do this to themselves? I know I will always worry about my kids to an extent. I'll always want them not to be sick and not have to suffer in any way. But I also know that I need to let go and trust God in every area of my life. I need to cut myself some slack. I put way too much pressure on myself and I hate it. I had a complete meltdown yesterday morning. I'm soo thankful for my awesome husband, who is soo helpful and such an awesome dad. He doesn't ever worry about anything.

I make my days stressful... it's not my kids fault. I know I'll always worry about my kids to an extent. I know I'll always want the best for them, and I'll never want them to be sick. But I know that I do need to let things go. I need to realize that I'm doing my best, and to cut myself some slack. Any other moms out there really hard on themselves?