It’s only been 10 days since I turned 40.
Two days ago I celebrated exactly 17 years of being a mother. My oldest child is trying his darndest to leave childhood.
If 80 is the average lifespan, then 40 must be the tipping point.
The teeter-tottering towards a life half-lived.
Half-lived. Half of this show is over.
As decade 5 of my life begins, I can surely say that decade 4 was truly awash with lesson after lesson after painful lesson.
I learned that most humans are fake. Some of my own family members and acquaintances like to live as though their whole life is a masquerade ball. I hate that. I wish it were different. After sharing so much of my own story with others, I experience first-hand the value in being authentic and transparent. It’s electric, and people seem to really take to someone who is willing to lay it all bare.
I learned that one cannot do it all, and do it well. Especially if one tries to do it all alone. You WILL hit a brick wall eventually. Whether it’s a health crisis, mental anguish, or your home life falling apart, God will allow His prideful children the opportunity to fall. I fell. I fell so hard, that most of my fourth decade of life was spent completely humbled.
I learned that, in my case, the longer one is married the more depth and substantial the love. Most of the first decade of marriage is getting into some sort of rhythm, learning one another, fighting for your soap boxes, and laying out your values. What’s important? What can go? Do we care what others thing about our choices or are we aiming to please family members that don’t live our lives with us? I know that when a couple comes out on the other side of those questions in unity, then we are truly one flesh.
I learned that once your children reach middle school age, time speeds up times two. The ages I always “couldn’t wait” for, they’re here, and they’ve been here for what I feel like is just five minutes. It’s been over five years now. The dominoes are falling as every other year I have another child going through the woes of puberty. Teen angsty attitudes replaced the tree climbing days of yesterday, and I wish I had watched them climb trees more intently than I did because I miss the ones that don’t.
I learned in much higher doses that 99.9% of families aren’t what they seem. Nothing much shocks me anymore. I used to be gullible and think that the perfect couples and families I personally knew where just what they claimed: perfect. That’s not true. Truly so, the one’s that want you to think they are perfect are exactly not. My husband and I have never tried to give that impression to others, and if we ever have, I sincerely apologize because we are not.
Finally, I learned that God’s hand is continuously on my family. When we pray, He answers. When we need provided for, He provides. When I unravel, He is there to roll me neatly back up. When I disappoint Him, He lovingly corrects in the hopes that I will make Him smile the next opportunity He offers me.
So, as I look at my oldest and marvel that we got here at the speed of light, I see a young man with over 75% of life to go. Am I envious? Maybe of his stamina and endurance physically. However, I would never want to be his age again. I wouldn’t have what I have now: a deeper understanding of God, a love that will overcome any obstacle thrown in its path, half a dozen children that daily sanctify me, and a confidence that I never possessed about myself in high school, college, my twenties and even my early thirties.
I am proud of what I’ve accomplished through the strength of Christ, I am proud of my marriage, my children, my lifestyle, and the few relationships that have stood the test of time. From my childhood best friends that I used to play Barbie’s with, to the first “mom-friend” God gave me during the boys earliest years, to a set of sisters I can get the cousins together with, I am truly filthy rich.
God you have been so very good through it all.
May the second half of my life exponentially outdo the first half. Tall order, I know. But, if we do it together, the outcome with be inevitably fantastic!
-Alicia.