Thursday April 7, 2016 was my first real "up in the middle of the night in pain and discomfort" kinda night of pregnancy. For my entire second trimester I have had the worst acid reflux. The kinda reflux that burns like fire up your throat and makes your stomach turn because of the pain. I found myself scouring articles online, talking to my doctor and trying different remedies to soothe the pain so I could feel somewhat human again. A few would work for a couple of days and then I would be back to square one. I've never felt so defeated or discouraged.
On Thursday night I felt like I reached my limit. I sat up in bed almost in tears because of the pain of my hips, my back and mostly my acid reflux. I wondered, “Why did I have to go through this? Why did I have to have an aching back, sore feet, a swelling knee, a tiresome job, and on top of it this horrid acid reflux? Why do some women have such easy pregnancies? Why can't I enjoy this? Why do I have to be far from my family during the time where I needed that extra bit of encouragement?”
When I couldn't take the pain anymore I went out to the kitchen to grab a glass of water and to find some medicine. I sat back down on our couch at 1:30 in the morning with my husband (who sweetly came to sit with me), with my selfish thoughts and with my self pity. Then my sweet little girl tapped away at my stomach. Her little feet and hands moving around getting cozy and comfy. In that moment the Lord, even now, was using my daughter to minister to me.
Through her tiny kicks I was reminded that:
- Aric and I are greatly blessed. In Psalm 127:3 it clearly states: "Children are a gift from the Lord, they are a reward from Him." Christ has chosen to bless us with a child. She is made in His image. She is being formed by our Creator. She is our daughter to raise and guide in the way of the Lord.
- God is giving Eleanor the strength to grow and move. He is the one making her bigger each day. He is the one who everyday is giving her life.
- God is full of grace. I am now 26 weeks pregnant. The past 26 weeks I have been carrying our sweet girl. The Lord has enabled my body to carry a child. What a privilege.
- Although I may be suffering with different pregnancy woes, I know many have had it worse. Through her tiny kicks I was reminded of the good days Ive had in pregnancy. The days where I had little to no discomfort. Some women have no relief for 9 straight months.
Through Eleanor's little kicks the Lord kinda kicked me in the pants. That night I realized how selfish and prideful I had been. I am so greatly blessed to be pregnant. Sure, it may not be easy, may not be what I have expected, but it has been one of the most faith turning moments in my life. Christ is still faithful, He is still good and He is still sovereign during those times when it feels like there is no more strength. I am thankful to serve a God that continues to humble and show grace to me. I am thankful through her tiny kicks the Lord used Eleanor to bring me back to reality and show me how to continue to lay my own problems down and seek the goodness of the Lord in all situations in life.